well last night i got to see kitty and it as fun she gave me my valentines present wich was a little late but its ok lol, so anyways we hung out with leonard for awhile and watched viva la bam old episodes, and then fail videos haha then got bored and tried to go home but had to leave my house..so we chilled outside and we sat for awhile then i got hyper and wantd to play around and i thought we should wrestle because she told me before that she liked to..so we started to then i got her into and she was getting mad so we kept going and after so intense pushin lol we kissed for awhile then i held her down but i hurt her witch i felt bad about but it was ok she said she was fine..so after we got up she said do you wanna go again and idk what it was but something clicked in my mind that changed me im not going to tell what happened but i wasnt me and i almost really screwed up bad...but she calmed me down and snapped me out of it...ill just tell you that stufff happened to me that gives me mixed personalities and its not good...and this one is lets say a monster.. and i hate it...but she can snap me out of it if she just tells me its ok and hold me...and im so happy she can or ide be f'd well anyways after i was all calmed down i freaked out like most perople would if that happned to them ...and i fell like a little bitch but i cried for the first time in along time and it was infront of her...i didnt mean to do it..it was an accident and i wasnt myself idk how many times i apologized..well anyways its ok now were ok and thats all that matters to me whenever i get like that my body gets really weak because my whole body changes every muscule in my body tightens and it makes my skin feel like it gonna rip and my heart beats r wierd and it i breahte weird and it a big stress on my body more than what a normal person should take and it hurts my brain to...so after that i feel like i got hit my a truck and a anvil got dropped on my chest i know that sounds over dramatic but it really does..right now my heart and chest really hurts and i havnt said one word to anyone since ive gotten to school...i think i get so sore because my body realeases so much adrenaline that it hards for my body to control and my body can do more then its regular limit and it really is scary because nothing about it is me except its my body...its not my feelings, its not my eyes, its not my muscules, its not my voice, its like i have to people in side of me and i doin twice the work i breath, heartbeats, and move for two people...so i need to rest and hopefully i feel better so it was pretty scare to say the least .....but like i said were ok now and were going to see eachother again today i love baby muah
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