reborn

recovering from 4 years of depression a terrible time that i cant completley explain and all the things that came along with it.   after i decided to end it and get clean of everything that caused problems in my life, it just kept getting worse i felt as if there was no escape. a demon was upon me and i tried every way to get away from it drugs, alchohol, fighting, suicide.. i didnt want this anymore i took a long hard look at myself and relized everything that i was doing to myslef and relized were my life was going and wered ide probly end up

     my grades had never been good but there was a point that i never did anything i had all failing grades and i fought my parent and had to fight off thoughts of suicide everyday i felt there was no point,   really if everyone just takes a minute and thinks about it...  why are we put here? is there a reason?   your brought into this world with no choice your some are born with ablilities that are greater than others. some more smart, prettier, more athletic, more artistic...some have mental disibilites or handicapped   so were brought into this life and were born with obstacles to face you have no choices for the first 18 years of your life you follow the rules that are put infront of you wether you like it or not....problems are constantly thrown at you and you have to figure out how to solve them some are complicated problems others simplier   if you cant figure out your problems or have a harder time doing things you have consquences that you have to face  and after so long of this cycle you get tired of it and you start to rebel and you feel like there is no meaning no point to do anything..   your brought into this world without choice your constaly given obstacles and theres nothing you can do about it you have to follow rules even if you dont want to your forced into a school that your perents feel is best for you, and have papers and tasks thrown in your face everyday with the addition of kids that tease and bully once you pass school you look for a job? for what though you have to do the same thing everyday make money and then you do that and guess what comes out of all this once your finaly done? nothing...nothing at all just death thats your gift after going through life struggling and trying your best in nothing  i relized this early and just thought do i really want to continue life even though i no everyday is going to be a constant struggle.     i just didnt want this ..

finally i just said to myself that the world doesnt care about me it cares about its self, you have to follow the rules theres no escape so get used to it and step in line with all the other people you have no choice in life.  
i get mad when people complain about life and say there going to kill themselves now because i relize how idiotic it is,   it a pure sign of being a weak pussy and person that gives up at the first sign of chellenge.  pick urslef up and do it it until you get it right.

i leaned this and now im completley clean i do no drugs i dont drink i dont party i dont do illegal things i dont play people just to get forward i dont think about suicide i take every problems thrown my way and work it out the best i can. if your someone that will try to hold me back or slow me down then i will leave you and youll e nothing to me.  you cant feel sorry for urself if someone dies, its over there dead and theres no bringing them back so life doesnt stop for you it keeps going,

im not going to stop in my life until i finally reach where ever im destined to go in life whether thats is a rich man, a poor man. if death is around me if problems are thrown at me it doesnt matter because i know that i have lived my life the best i can and life didnt get the best of me and that i won the fight against life.