its in my blood

skateboarding no matter what i do i cant stop i never could completly stop well this a short post but anyways kyle, larry, and tim came home and started skating...well i waned to skate to..so i grabbed kitty board and skated it i didnt do much cuz u cant do much on that thing i 180 the big hole in hunters drive way wich is impressive on kittys board lol i did a couple flip tricks witch is also impressive on kittys board expescially a 360 flip, fakie big spin to manual, bs flip, a clean ass frontside 180 lol and probly soemthing else but i dont remember those tricks arennt hard but no one else can do it on kittys board excpet me lol ...well anyways the day before that i asked kittys what shed do if i broke her board and she said she didnt know what she do well when i was ksating with them they we trying to do fakie fs flips and i was like im so good at those and i wanted to showoff so knowing me i went to big for kittys board and i popped and flicked tht shit caught it and slammed it and all you heard was a crack but it didnt break in half lol i didnt mean to lol so its cracked now but its ok lol shes not that mad lol she was going to get new one anyways lol  and hell i might to cuz i dont like skating but i do like do fliptricks and playing skate because i dont lose lol

love will keep us together

well last night i got to see kitty and it as fun she gave me my valentines present wich was a little late but its ok lol, so anyways we hung out with leonard for awhile and watched viva la bam old episodes, and then fail videos haha then got bored and tried to go home but had to leave my house..so we chilled outside and we sat for awhile then i got hyper and wantd to play around and i thought we should wrestle because she told me before that she liked to..so we started to then i got her into and she was getting mad so we kept going and after so intense pushin lol we kissed for awhile then i held her down but i hurt her witch i felt bad about but it was ok she said she was fine..so after we got up she said do you wanna go again and idk what it was but something clicked in my mind that changed me im not going to tell what happened but i wasnt me and i almost really screwed up bad...but she calmed me down and snapped me out of it...ill just tell you that stufff happened to me that gives me mixed personalities and its not good...and this one is lets say a monster..  and i hate it...but she can snap me out of it if she just tells me its ok and hold me...and im so happy she can or ide be f'd    well anyways after i was all calmed down i freaked out like most perople would if that happned to them ...and i fell like a little bitch but i cried for the first time in along time and it was infront of her...i didnt mean to do it..it was an accident and i wasnt myself idk how many times i apologized..well anyways its ok now were ok and thats all that matters to me  whenever i get like that my body gets really weak because my whole body changes every muscule in my body tightens and it makes my skin feel like it gonna rip and my heart beats r wierd and it i breahte weird and it a big stress on my body  more than what a normal person should take and it hurts my brain to...so after that i feel like i got hit my a truck and a anvil got dropped on my chest i know that sounds over dramatic but it really does..right now my heart and chest really hurts and i havnt said one word to anyone since ive gotten to school...i think i get so sore because my body realeases so much adrenaline that it hards for my body to control and my body can do more then its regular limit and it really is scary because nothing about it is me except its my body...its not my feelings, its not my eyes, its not my muscules, its not my voice, its like i have to people in side of me and i doin twice the work i breath, heartbeats, and move for two people...so i need to rest and hopefully i feel better so it was pretty scare to say the least .....but like i said were ok now and were going to see eachother again today i love baby muah

nevermind no rap lol

eh i started to but i dont feel like thinkin of ryhmes any anybody thats reads these help me get followers because i dont have a facebook anymore or nothing lol and i dont use twitter anymore so i cant tell people so yall should tell people haha jk i know no one reads this and it doesnt matter hahah     im so bored i gotta history test but i only got one of the sheets o well...i get ou early today but not realy because i get out at 2:18 but wait till sometime after 3  its gay o well peace

another random pointless post haha

wel i just got in the class and im bored so this will unbore me mabye so anways yesterday  felt kinda good out so kyle came over to skate i told him i dont skate no more lol but i rode the board around while he practiced lazer flips lol and he told me how to do them and i tried even though it hurt really bad hah i almost caught it frist try lol and then i bs flipped perfect and i was like i wonder if i can do them stationary so i did 5 in a row it was funny but my kne hurt like crap lol and then we broke kyles board... hmm im just realizing im just posting pretty much for myself lol and kitty when she feels like reading my nonsense lol....but no one reads these i have no followers lol...but anyways    ive been messing around with my drums again latley hah im still good...nothing really exciting has happened in awhile lol   i might jinx myself for saying this but my ibs really hasnt acted up latley like when i was in church it didnt hurt when i left on the way there or through the whole church  but now that i just said that my stomach will go ham hahah  butjust because it hasnt hurt in awhile it will mabye sometime soon because ibs goes away for alittle bit then comes back full force and my stomach kinda hurts now lol...hm so whats happening with me not much..t others i have no life anymore but to me im fine with it  
                           this is my day
                  wake up txt kitty take forever to get ready then leave go to school depending what day it is lol if its a day  i go to math sit there and listen to crap lol, then go to media lit and blog and do homework, then go to religion have quizes and sit there and go to lunch, the history and take notes the whole time lol    
                         if its a b day then i go to enlish and do nothing but talk to all my freinds haha, then go to compution animation and play around in there, the cadd class and sit there bored drawing houses, then chemistry and play around in there doing nothing...ok the anyways after either one of those days ill do te same thing after school go home then either go to larrys or call kitty right away then get on the computer and talk for the rest of the night and then go to sleep   repeat...   
              on fridays ill do the same thing but when i get home ill go to larrys and mess around until like 12 or 1 and then walk home and kitty will already be asleep then ill stay up for another hour thinkin of what i want to do then there will be nothing then ill go to sleep,   on saturdays ill wake up go to larrys around 10 then wont do anything again and come home around 11 talk to kitty mabye...then wake up sunday either i go to church or i dont but ill hang out then to or most likely stay home the whole day and talk to kitty to go back to school hahah     
         wow this is a long boring post hahah mabye ill write a rap off the top of my head ill do it ina diff post haha

another post about skating

well my freinds go skate like every weekend and other days and they always get a big group of freinds and go to ollies or someplace and they come back and tell me what all they did and it makes me sad because i miss doin that i want to skate at parks and stuff but i cant ibs and my legs cant take skating anymore  
   i remebr that it didnt matter what i did if i was at a ksate park i couldnt help but skate i went to skateparks before and i learned how to ride parks and stuff and as i got old i started doin tricks there i went to outdoor then i went to sessions with freinds and i started going a little bigger then i went to dc plaza and that was it that ended my skating life it would never be the same after that day   i remeber skating around trying stuff landing almost everything how smooth the ground was i started out just riding the park going around doin fliptricks down the 3 steps and stuff just feeling the ground and how slick and it felt so good it makes me feel 10x better at skating and thats not always good  i saw the double sets and started kickflipping and 180 them i thought to myself wow i have gotten better here and i heelflipped a 5 witch i suck at heels so i was sure that i could land everything so i did all the sets i could find then there was this 7 set not that big but there was something weird about it idk what it was but it made me feel unsure and i rolled up pretty fast to it and ollied i landed but slipped out and was like its not that bad so i ollied and stomped it and rolled away it felt good and people clapped and said it was a sick ollie because i popped high and landed nice...so it gave me that much more confidence so i thought to myslef ill kickflip it so i got ready some people standing around watching and i rolled up like last time flicked and caught it i saw the ground but couldnt bring myself to land it so i kicked it away and i felt pressure on my ankles and knees from coming down so hard so i said i got to land it no matter what so i did the same i flickd again  caught it and was coming down the stomp it but as soon as my wheels touched my backfoot slipped off and touched the ground but my front foot stayed on  and kept going i did the splits kindove but my back foot went back and my knee popped and i felt a sharp pain go through  my knee i layed there a little i didnt scream or anything i just got up and it hurt to walk so i sat out and rolled around even though it hurt i coulndt skate i dont know why i could still skate after i just could the next day i bent my knee when i woke up and it hurt so much i stoff up and couldnt walk on it at all it was swollen so i stopped skating for months...and that was it for me if that hadnt happened ide be so much better because i was progressing so fast and i had so much confidence       after along period of not skating my freind asked me to go t ollies kate park with him i was unsure if i should since i hadnt skated ina long time but i decided to go even i didnt have a board he let me use and old board he had it wasnt that good but i made do...from the time i got there i started easy flatground tricks even though it hurt i still skated and i go my fliptricks bck but i couldnt do anything big i just rode the ramps, ollied the big two and 360 flipped the bank and did fliptricks off the manny pad..but when i was there i was looking at the 8 set and wanting to so bad but i couldnt...and ever since dc plaza it hurts when i skate as of now i have all my flip tricks but i cant go big no sets, gaps or ledges.  just yesterday i did the same exzact thing with a manual and my right knee hurts now so im thinking about stopping for good and try not skate even though i want to. so anyways it makes me sad hearing about all my freinds but i know i cant anymore so i have to give it up...</3 bye skateboarding

life update (feb 28)

well its monday bleh hahah we had a three day weekend because i didnt have school on friday but i hate fridays off becuase it feels like a regular weekedn because i stay out on friday all day anyways so it feels like i still went to school i like mondays of better.. anyways  ive been playing game boy advance emulator yesterday pokemon o yea old school lol...i still havnt painted really im trying to get people to sendm e collabs i try to talk to people here and there to let them no im still here lol  
               ok well kitty if your reading this before i ge out of school then the reason i said you shouldnt come over is because i thought ude be sick and your mom wont let you anyways because you didnt go to school and she might not let you go to dance so i fugured that it probly be best if you just stayed home...if you can then ya sure well work it out lol.    
          and i was drawing first bell and i got an idea for a mulitpe picture story line .. ok well my idea was key to my heart picture story...
          1st picture have me standing there
          2nd you walk up to me  and we look into eachother eyes
          3rd i take my shirt off and we put a old chest lock with the key hole over my heart?
          4th you take you hand and put it over the lock
          5th you have the key for the lock
          6th you put it in the key hole
          7th then we hold hands and looks into eachother eyes and kiss
     or something like that it would be cool we also have to have a cool backgound  or something haha idk


          well anyways i woke up this morning and i didnt feel like going to school but o well lol  hm im pretty bored theres nothing to do here its a A day so i have the crappy classes   math, media literacy, religion, history
                        not fun classes haha anyways ill post when i come up with another topic bye love you baby
         

aeribaby --- and suicide

lol well this was an unexpected post because i have alot of work to do and i didnt think i would have time to post but wth haha....anyways to kittys post about crying and smiling haha i agree with that....butone wierd think i do is if im really sad/mad or feel like crying or even when i did cry i would smile i would force myself to smile  because that showd me that theres no reason to get upset or mad thats why i never cry anymore or it seems like i dont care about nothing...because in the end does it matter?  no   lol   people could have the worst day ever and everything could go wrong but the next day you could be fine?   so was it worth it to waste your whole day crying hit stuff and crap like that no it wasnt  think backs to days that you were really mad and stuff you said haha doesnt that seems stupid now?    people who kill themselves is really stupid to me and i dont feel sorry for them people that talk about commiting suicide or tell me there going to i say go ahead not because im mean but because think about it first?   if oyu want to commit suicide obviosly your upset? and youve had alot of struggles   yes we get that but alot of people have thos same struggles  im one of those people that have went through alot and stuff i havnt told anyone and ive been at the suicide point
                but anyways if you want to kill yourself think about it think about all the stuff youve been through  all the life youve lived so far and all the struggles youve gotten through why kill yourself now? doesnt that seem like the biggest waste ever? ya i hate wasting time i want everything done now and my way..so killing yourself is stupid yes i understand the whole wats the point  of life because we all end up dying int the end ya but mabye good stuff will come through your life mabye itll be good...because 98% of the time it does turn out good except for the few people that choose to stay sad...life doesnt suck you choose to hate everything and not do anything to better yourself and thats your own damn fault so get of your lazy emotional ass and do something productive....  so anyways if youve lived this much life yuo might as will live for longer and see whats your life turns into ive known alot of people that have killed themselves and that hve died from there own fault and i think there stupid and i dont think or care about them now becasue most kill themselves because they think no one cares and they say "theyl care once im gone" ya mabye for a couple months but life moves on...so is that worth it no   and ive never cried at one funeral   so anyways just think about your life shit happens but shit also changes so you might be sad today but itll get better i promise lol